I'm a, I'm a, I'm a FLIRT.

You know how it's always really easy to critique those around you? It's so easy to see others short comings and think that you could do SO MUCH BETTER. But what happens when we take an honest look inside of ourselves? What happens when we realize what our short comings are...and where we are lettings those around us and ourselves down?  Today, it's my turn to look at my problems.  What am I doing wrong? Where have I hurt others or continue to make wrong choices? I'm only going to focus on one thing today because it has been on my mind for a solid few weeks. And no, all of my posts aren't a sob story or about men but when you're 22 and those around you are getting engaged or in committed relationships you tend to think about it about more.

Men. In particular, men in the dating scene in South Florida.

I have become a part of the culture of going out on Friday and Saturday nights. The bars don't close till 4am so us girls get ourselves ready and we make an entire evening out of it. I try so hard to make myself "beautiful" in the eyes of the men at the bars and clubs. I wear low cut shirts or short dresses to somehow draw a mans eye to me instead of another girl across the room. Sometimes, I wear jeans and tanks if I really don't feel like getting dolled up. But still, I spend time making myself look a way that the opposite sex will find sexy or intriguing. And then, I use it to my advantage. I'm not sure where this idea of getting numbers and not texting them came from...but it happens. Why is it so exciting to say "I got 5 numbers last night! How many did you get?" Honestly, who cares? Are the men I meet at a bar the ones who are going to take care of me? 8 times out of 10...probably not.

If you talk to me during the week..or even during the day I will tell you I want a serious relationship. I want someone to take care of me. I want that emotional connection with someone...someone to call when I have an incredible experience or someone to help me pick up the pieces when life falls apart. But then I make the choice to go out and meet random men who will pretend they're interested in me. They talk to me just enough until they think that I will kiss them or even more. [Most times they aren't that lucky] But still! What am I doing?

I know a few people who read my blog will tell me to "look at myself before I place the blame on others" or that I should feel "convicted" about what I do. To you people, I am more introspective than you think. I think all the time about how I can be better or how I keep making the same mistakes and it's not acceptable.

People always say there are two sides to every story. What are both sides to my life? Part of me likes the attention of a man in a bar. To know that I caught someone's eye. I was able to get a guy to look at me instead of the hundreds of other beautiful women across the room. Is it because I lack self confidence? I don't think that I am worthy of a man so when one looks at me it gives me some kind of boost? But the next day when you know you'll never speak to him again...doesn't the ounce of confidence he gave you just melt away? Honestly, I don't know.
The other side is that maybe I just don't want a serious relationship. I want the emotion connection, yes. But what if I'm afraid of that commitment? Could I commit myself to one man? Since my break up almost a year ago with the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with..I haven't been able to truly open my heart. So, in my head I think that I'm ready for that emotional connection but maybe I'm really not?

A few weeks ago I started seeing a man that I had a thing for. Our first hang out was me helping him pack up his house because he was moving. I didn't really think anything of it...thought he was just another guy. And then something happened where he hurt my feelings. I cried over a man for the first time in a long time. Does that mean I actually wanted something with him? Was I actually opening myself up to someone? Even while he and I were casually hanging out I was still going to the bars and talking to guys. WHAT IS THAT?! Is that some kind of safety net? Is that me being a cold hearted person? [Yes, don't answer, I know.] Where do I come off with the right to cry over a guy because he "hurt" me when I was inadvertently hurting him he just had no idea? Unfortunately, I think I really pushed that one away as recent events have unfolded. Thinking about it, I could see myself at least dating him. Now, I'm not sure I'll ever get that chance. If he's reading this...know that I do care for you and I'm sorry for the way I let things pan out.

I need to be better. I need to figure out what I want. I need to not be confused anymore. I need to know who I am and what I want. If I want to go out and meet guys just for a fun night of flirting thats my own prerogative. But if I want to commit myself to a guy, and I find one that is worthy, I need to take the jump and open myself up to them.

This whole post is really just helpful for me. I'm not sure if it could help anyone else but for me...it just helps to get my thoughts out so I can say it out loud and accept it.

the sex fetish.

So, men.

What is up with the guys of this generation? Why is it so hard to find men that actually respect women these days? Of course, men say they respect women and they won't push you further then you want and all of a sudden they're trying something that you are not okay with and the moment you say no they get mad. What is that? That's not respect! That's blowing smoke so that you can calm a girl enough to make out with you and try to push her further then she wanted.

Now, this isn't just a South Florida thing but I have had a heightened experience of it here.  A guy will kiss me, great, I love to kiss. And then, he wants to get all handsy and one guy even asked me to "go to his bed." REALLY? I'm sorry, after one kiss? That's what you think you're gonna get? I realize that plenty of women don't respect themselves these days and sleep with any guy that will give them attention but I mean come on. Not every single girl is like that.

Okay, so where do men get the idea that this is okay? Well, problem number one: probably all of those women who sleep around on the first date or go home with a guy after they meet at a bar. That could be the issue. Or, problem number two: Men are praised for how many people they sleep with. When did that become a thing? If women parade around saying they hooked up with guys they are looked down upon but the second guys say something they are treated like a god. Just dumb. Problem number three: Even the good girls slip up sometimes which just makes it harder. Yeah, that sucks, but it happens.

You heard correctly, good girls mess up too! And it makes the problem even harder. Sometimes, you are just in the moment and even when you know you need to stop kissing the guy you don't. But that still doesn't give any guy the right to automatically assume that you are willing to do anything he wants after the first kiss!

Guys, I mean come on.  One kiss automatically means the girl wants to go all the way with you? Sorry to inform you, but some girls still got class. Maybe she just wants one kiss...one kiss to leave you wondering...or for her to decide if she wants to see you again..or if you're enough of a man to contact her again. Sometimes, one kiss is enough for the first night! You could just give her that and leave her wanting more if you wanted! Believe me, she'll be much more intrigued.

Our society has some odd fetish with sex. Anything sex sells. It's crazy. All of these high school shows on ABCFamily have to do with sex and cheating, when did that become cool? When did it become okay for us to show teenagers that sex was all that was exciting about life? Cause seriously, it's not. So many more exciting things happen outside of teenage sex lives. No wonder in college and when we're older men just think women will drop their pants for anyone.

And you know, I'm not above this. I've had a few crazy nights here in Florida drinking a bit too much and kissing a guy at the bar, I won't lie about that. But I don't think I could ever sleep with a man on the first night I met him. 

You know, maybe my thoughts are just a bit too conservative.  Maybe the life I have imagined for myself is a life I could have lived 30+ years ago. Maybe in this day in age, the man I want to meet doesn't exist anymore. But I'm still not convinced it's up for me to change my morals and values to match what this society is demanding of me. I guess, yeah, I can wait until I find that real guy who actually will respect me. I do believe that he's out there. 

I mean, we all have to kiss a few frogs before we find our prince, right?

Why is Friendship so Hard?

It has been a little over 6 months since my last post here. I'm not sure why I find it so hard to keep up with a blog, or maybe I just never really think the things going on in my life are all that important for others to read. But is has come to a point where I feel that I should start writing again [and hopefully keep up with it].  With a little nudging from the people around me, Molly asking if I had a blog and Mom bugging me to write a post on our Women of 4:13 blog I thought I would update again.

Where to begin? It is now January 7th, its is the first day of my second semester of grad school.  I have to report in to work in approximately 67 minutes and I am currently sitting in my t-shirt and shorts drinking hot chocolate. I guess I should give a little more background of where I am since my last post just mentioned that I was moving to Florida.

I live in a studio style apartment in Fort Lauderdale, FL. I live on the 6th floor facing the city.  It is a magnificent view where I can see my schools campus and in the distance, all of the big buildings of downtown Fort Lauderdale.  My favorite part about my view is waking up to the sunrise.  Florida sunrises are breathtaking.  I can't tell you how many times my day has instantly been made by waking up to see God's amazing creations.
I am getting my masters degree in College Student Affairs. Last semester was my first and I received a 4.0 [woohoo].  My goal is to get all A's in grad school even though grades aren't super important at this point...it's a personal goal.  I work in the Office of Orientation and Commuter Involvement.  I love it! It is so much fun to have a hand in students first experience as an official Shark.  I also love working with the commuter side of things and trying to get people involved.

Florida is amazing. It is full of different experiences and events that I never would have had the opportunity to see if I lived in Michigan.  The weather is a definite plus as I love being tan and I hate being cold. The ocean is an amazing site and I promised myself that I would never get sick of it during my two years here.  The pool in my backyard is also wonderful when i don't feel like driving the fifteen minutes to the beach...

Alright, so you have a little background. Now I think I can get into the nitty gritty.

"True friendship is rare on earth. It means identifying with someone in thought, heart, and spirit."

Friendship is hard right? Finding people you truly connect with? People who will support you in your decisions but aren't afraid to tell you the truth when they think you're being just a little bit to crazy, mean, or petty. Is that kind of friendship actually possible? If so, how often are you able to find it? How often can you surround yourself with people that will have your back no matter what, that will take your side and support you when others put you down, that won't talk about you behind your back but bring up issues straight to your face? Really, in our world, is that even possible?

For the end all be all question, yes, I think it is possible. But I think finding true friendship is one of the hardest things to find in our world and society today.

Why is friendship so hard? Why do we find it so difficult to find friends that truly support us in every way but aren't afraid to call us out when we need a reality check? For me, I think it's because our values are completely altered.  The people in m generation today barely know right from wrong.  The world is no longer black and white, everything is on a gray scale.  Now if you ask me that's a whole other, catastrophic problem that cannot be solved with on 22 year olds blog.
Friendship is something we all long for. It helps get us through the day. People to help make us laugh, and hold us when we cry; we all need that at some point or another. Sometimes, you can find friends who are great to hang out with go to the bar, the club, the beach but maybe they're not so good at having deep conversations because fundamentally, your beliefs are different.  That's not a bad thing, it's just a different kind of friendship.
On the other hand you could have friends whom you know you can talk to about anything and they won't judge you or turn away from you because of something you are going through but maybe they aren't the people that you spend every second of every day with.
And then, few and far between there is that friend.  The most perfect friend you have ever met.  Where you probably connected instantly.  The two of you have so much in common, you support each other and aren't afraid to call each other out...it's just the perfect mix.  Even the two of you could have differences in beliefs or values but for some reason, with that person it doesn't matter.  You are two peas in a pod and nothing can separate your friendship.  Now, how many of us wish we had that?  Or how many of us can think back on a relationship and say, "wow, that was a really great friend." I don't think that we should let these types of friends go so easily.  Sometimes distance makes it hard to keep the friendship going or for some reason the relationship is broken.  I think that looking back on those types of relationships can help us realize that we need to treat those friendships very specially.  We need to hold those people close to our hearts and show them how important they are to us. If you have that type of friend right now, don't let them go.  Show them how much you value their friendship.

Just because sometimes we meet that person or people who are so special to us and seem like a perfect match for us doesn't mean we should treat the others as any less.  Each person is in your life for a reason.  Maybe it is to challenge your beliefs.  To help you become stronger in the person you are.  Or maybe you're there to influence them and in the same way challenge them.  Maybe they are there to listen to you and help you grow as a person.  In the same respect, these people could turn out to be your lifelong friends if you would just give them a chance and stop judging them right of the bat.  Truth is, we're all different.  We have different body shapes, hair styles, thoughts, strengths, beliefs, morals, and values but just because those are different doesn't mean we can't be friends.  True some of those differences may make the friendship challenging but maybe it's to help both of you open up and lighten up about the differences around you.

I'm not sure if anyone will find benefit to this, I'm still not sure if it all makes sense but friendship is something we all need to get through this life.  Hopefully we are al lucky enough to find those friends who are true but if not the friends we surround ourselves with can have an impact on us as well. We can grow together and strengthen who we are with whomever is around us; we just need to be open to it.



Proverbs 19:20 Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.