What is up with the guys of this generation? Why is it so hard to find men that actually respect women these days? Of course, men say they respect women and they won't push you further then you want and all of a sudden they're trying something that you are not okay with and the moment you say no they get mad. What is that? That's not respect! That's blowing smoke so that you can calm a girl enough to make out with you and try to push her further then she wanted.
Now, this isn't just a South Florida thing but I have had a heightened experience of it here. A guy will kiss me, great, I love to kiss. And then, he wants to get all handsy and one guy even asked me to "go to his bed." REALLY? I'm sorry, after one kiss? That's what you think you're gonna get? I realize that plenty of women don't respect themselves these days and sleep with any guy that will give them attention but I mean come on. Not every single girl is like that.
Okay, so where do men get the idea that this is okay? Well, problem number one: probably all of those women who sleep around on the first date or go home with a guy after they meet at a bar. That could be the issue. Or, problem number two: Men are praised for how many people they sleep with. When did that become a thing? If women parade around saying they hooked up with guys they are looked down upon but the second guys say something they are treated like a god. Just dumb. Problem number three: Even the good girls slip up sometimes which just makes it harder. Yeah, that sucks, but it happens.
You heard correctly, good girls mess up too! And it makes the problem even harder. Sometimes, you are just in the moment and even when you know you need to stop kissing the guy you don't. But that still doesn't give any guy the right to automatically assume that you are willing to do anything he wants after the first kiss!
Guys, I mean come on. One kiss automatically means the girl wants to go all the way with you? Sorry to inform you, but some girls still got class. Maybe she just wants one kiss...one kiss to leave you wondering...or for her to decide if she wants to see you again..or if you're enough of a man to contact her again. Sometimes, one kiss is enough for the first night! You could just give her that and leave her wanting more if you wanted! Believe me, she'll be much more intrigued.
Our society has some odd fetish with sex. Anything sex sells. It's crazy. All of these high school shows on ABCFamily have to do with sex and cheating, when did that become cool? When did it become okay for us to show teenagers that sex was all that was exciting about life? Cause seriously, it's not. So many more exciting things happen outside of teenage sex lives. No wonder in college and when we're older men just think women will drop their pants for anyone.
And you know, I'm not above this. I've had a few crazy nights here in Florida drinking a bit too much and kissing a guy at the bar, I won't lie about that. But I don't think I could ever sleep with a man on the first night I met him.
You know, maybe my thoughts are just a bit too conservative. Maybe the life I have imagined for myself is a life I could have lived 30+ years ago. Maybe in this day in age, the man I want to meet doesn't exist anymore. But I'm still not convinced it's up for me to change my morals and values to match what this society is demanding of me. I guess, yeah, I can wait until I find that real guy who actually will respect me. I do believe that he's out there.
I mean, we all have to kiss a few frogs before we find our prince, right?
So Steph.
ReplyDeleteI've read this a few times and I have to say that I agree with you. Men are like that. Excuse me, the Wrong Men are like that. I will say that most guys do it because they know they can get away with it. They know they wont be the ones looked down upon. But, that's not an excuse by any stretch of the imagination. That's just a reason. There are other factors and the ones you touched on are definitely in there.
However, the reason I am writing is to say that not all guys are like this. I certainly am not and I've spent my days surrounding myself with other guys that aren't as well. My best friends from college are all similar to me. Do we have our moments...of course we do. We all do. But, we do not define ourselves by those moments. When we find a girl we truly like we would much rather take them out on a nice date and prove to them that we are worth it and that they are worth it to us, rather than risk screwing it up by pushing too hard too fast. For example, I was seeing this girl for about 4 months (didn't work out, but that's aside from the point) and all we did was kiss. Partly because we never really had the opportunity to do anything more, but mostly because I could tell she wasn't that type of girl. I knew things would unfold at their own rate. Sadly, they never got a chance to, but I bet they would have no matter how long it might have taken. And believe me, I would have waited.
One of my best friends and I had a conversation the other week about how most guys secretly don't want the bar slut. We want the good girl. The girl we know we can trust. The girl we know didn't sleep her way through her 20's leaving us to wonder what on earth they did all those years ago. The point is there is nothing wrong with the way you think and the way you are. You are exactly what most guys are too afraid to admit they want. Hang in there and you will find that guy. It just takes time...
Your old Work Camp friend,
-T. Caruso
p.s. that conversation actually happened while on the drive back from Atlantic City the weekend after Christmas. It occurred as a sub-topic from the situation I am dealing with with the failing relationship.
Thank you. This was great to read. If only there were more men like you around! Or...they wouldn't be afraid to speak up about it :).
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